Fantasy Football Team Branding

For the first time in many years (I literally cannot remember, it’s been so long) I’m participating in my family’s fantasy football league, which has been going for twenty years strong now. The position of league commissioner was recently passed down from my dad to my youngest brother. That news, plus the round, pleasing anniversary number, convinced me to come out of retirement and participate this year. Oh, that, and AI.

While I may or may not be consulting with Claude to draft players and adjust my team roster, I am definitely using AI to have some fun with my team branding. I’m not sure exactly how this started, but since the pre-season I’ve been changing my team’s name and logo every week in response to funny or interesting or salacious league news. I think it was the crazy amount of off-the-field news before the season even started (mostly involving the 49ers) that basically decided this for me.

It’s Week 3 as I’m writing this and I’ve already had seven different names and logos this season. I think it would be pretty funny to keep a running log of my team branding shenanigans, so that’s what this post will be. I’ll publish it to the website this weekend and then continually update it throughout the season.

Each week, I change my team’s name to reflect something that happened in the previous week and then use Gemini to generate a logo to match. It could be front office news, or an amazing player performance, or a terrible player performance, or locker room antics. Who knows? It’s actually been a really fun Saturday morning activity and the the 9:00 am calendar notification also reminds me to adjust my roster for the weekend.

Pre-Season Week 1🔗

The funniest off-the-field news from early August was actually a story that had continued from the previous season: the conspiracy theory that the electrical substation next to the 49ers’ practice field was responsible for the statistically significant number of injuries the team has endured since moving to Santa Clara. Players weighed in. The team hired a scientist. The theory was debunked but persists. People started looking for other weird things. And of course, because it’s 2026, the substation even has its own social media account.

All this to say: I kicked off the season as the Silicon Valley Substations. I had Gemini create a few cartoonish versions and I ended up using the upper-left one. He’s adorable; who could be mad at him?

Pre-Season Week 2🔗

When I referred to “salacious” in the intro above, I was really referring to the main story from this week: 49ers owner Jed York was arrested in East Palestine, Ohio for attempting to solicit a prostitute. At a trailer park. This one is really easy to Google since the story is ongoing — the case is currently working through both the (real) legal system and the NFL’s legal system — but some local news stories covered it pretty well.

I have so many questions. Isn’t Jed married? Wait, he filed for divorce? Why in the world was he in East Palestine, Ohio? Why is a billionaire going to a trailer park prostitute? (To answer the last one, someone on the Internet posited: “Sometimes you just want McDonald’s.”)

With a quick update to the 49ers logo, we can pivot from the “49er Faithful” to the “East Palestine Unfaithful”:

Pre-Season Week 3🔗

Surely, nothing crazier could befall the 49ers organization at this point, right?

Hold my beer.

Enter Daejon Love, who orchestrated an elaborate ruse over many years to pose as a wide receiver for the 49ers, in order to bilk dozens of women out of millions of dollars. He flooded the zone with so much disinformation and Instagram content that even Google Gemini thought he was a real player. I can’t believe I need to say this, but I will refer you to the United States Attorney’s Office for further information.

This week was an easy one. “Daejon Love Is All You Need” and I present the mother of all catfishes:

Pre-Season Week 4🔗

Technically, this week’s big story involved college football, but it centers around Bill Belichick, who obviously is known for his long and storied NFL coaching career. It’s hard to keep up with this mess — the investigation is still ongoing — but basically the UNC men’s football program has been embroiled in weird-ass allegations of improper sexual relationships and drug use. The GM (whose name is literally Lombardi!) and Bill’s son Steve (the defensive coordinator) have already resigned, and Bill himself could be next on the chopping block.

“UNC… Yourself Out, Bill” plus a “prohibited” take on the UNC logo seemed appropriate for this week:

Week 1🔗

The season opener was a Thursday night Super Bowl rematch between the Seahawks and the Patriots. Seattle QB Sam Darnold suffered a serious hip injury on the first drive of the season and was out the rest of the game. But the real story was his counterpart on New England: Drake Maye threw three 4th-quarter interceptions, and the Patriots lost the lead and the game. Brutal.

Maye-Be He Needs Glasses?

Week 2🔗

The Giants had a huge win over divisional rivals Dallas last week, which is great and all, but maybe Jameis Winston took the celebrations a little too far. In the background of Cam Skattebo’s locker room interview video, you can see Winston absolutely waterboarding himself with cologne. The Internet has him clocked at anywhere between 16 and 25 spritzes. Even The Daily Show covered these antics.

I dub thy scent “Chanel No. 19”:

Week 3🔗

This was a wild week for QB injuries. Jaxson Dart got hurt, calmly walked off the field, and is now expected to miss the rest of the season with a torn meniscus. Some Giants fans are already talking about next year’s draft. Meanwhile, Caleb Williams went down in the Bears game and put on quite the show, writhing in pain and bravely gesturing to the fans while being carted off the field. He’ll be back in a couple weeks.

Dave Portnoy nicknamed him “The Thespian”, so it only makes sense that this week I’ll be the “Chicago Bards”:

Week 4🔗

Well, I don’t think anyone had this on their NFL bingo card: earlier this week, former Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin posted a YouTube video showing off the city in Minecraft that he’s been building for the last 12 years. The memes and snarky responses followed soon after, with my favorite being a breakdown of his coaching success before and after he started playing:

It seems only appropriate that we pay homage to “Minecraft Mike”:

Week 5🔗

There were not one but two instances this week of referees being suspended due to “inappropriate conduct towards players”. I’ve never heard of this before and it happened multiple times on a single weekend! One case might be a misunderstanding, but the other seems legitimate — the ref was caught on camera cursing at a player. The referees association is appealing both suspensions.

Well, no matter how this ends, we always have to worry about who polices the police, and who’s “Ref’ing The Refs”:

Lots more to come this season. Check back here every week!